Q: My only child is 16 years old. He was curious about sex from a very young age and very open with me, so his interest in sexual matters gave me ample opportunity to talk with him about safety and consent. He went through a cross-dressing phase when he was small—mostly wanting to wear nail polish and try on mascara. I felt like I navigated those waters pretty well, but his father made attempts to squelch those impulses. (He and I are divorced and he’s now less involved.) That’s the background. I’ve always accepted that he is who he is and done my best to help guide and educate him. Then last year, I caught him trying to shoplift a pair of panties. I’m not the sort of mom who freaks out, but I made him put them back and talked to him about his actions. When I asked him why he tried to steal them, he refused to tell me. I asked: “Did you want them to masturbate with? Did you want to wear them?” He said he wanted to try them on. I told him that if he wanted to explore, he needed to do that with a legal purchase. Today, I found a girl’s bra in the laundry. He says he doesn’t know whose it is or how it got there, but this isn’t my first rodeo. What on earth do I do? If I send him to a therapist and this is about being trans or cross-dressing tendencies, I’m afraid that will shame him. However, this is now something of a criminal/ethical concern, and I want to nip that in the bud. He is in every way a wonderful human: kind, smart, funny, athletic, no drugs. Is this just the same kid who has always been curious about sex? Or are these warning signs of some sort of sexual deviance? Please help. —Mom in Sleepy South Carolina Lovingly Educates Offspring
My hunch is you don’t have a sex offender on your hands or a kid drifting into organized crime. You have a slightly pervy teenage boy who’s curious about sex and who may, like millions of other men, have a thing for women’s undergarments. Your son knows you love him, he knows he can talk to you about anything, and he’ll confide in you if and when he’s ready—if, again, this is something he needs to discuss with you at all.
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